PTO

It was roughly November of 2016, I helped a lot at the school but had so much on my plate at home. And coached soccer, and girl scout leader, and kids, and pets, and room mom at both schools, and auction chair........and one day, my friend Allyson stops me in the hallway of the gym, away from where others can hear, and says in so many words: that she's been praying and is going to accept the job of PTO president for the next term but that she doesn't want to do it without me as her V.P. pause. jaw drops but not really, only in my mind it does. Has she lost her mind? I tell her nearly as much and that I'll have to think about it. She says ok. And casually asks me about it a few days later. And then Timothy (her husband) puts in a word about this, "Allyson really wants you to do this with her, I know it'd mean a lot to her". Pressure. I want to but how much more can I fit on my calendar. I mean let's be real. So, you know what I did,  I said yes, of course. sigh. I was excited, but knew I was crazy. Lucky thing is, she's crazier!

We worked our tail feathers off, I mean we worked hard. on the daily. Sweet Steven napping in strollers, wagons, and even classroom floors. Food to go, Facebook Live, pep rallies here and fundraisers there...we worked HARD, really hard. With a phenomenal team of other women. It was fun but exhausting. But through it all I always had this thought, and I only told it to Allyson one time, because it could seem a bit precocious. I told her that we were going to change this school, and after that- the church. I never saw how this was possible as I don't even ever go to church. But, I felt that, and my sense was it included her. My intuitions aren't wrong very often lately. I may never understand the plan, but I'm aware enough to hear the call these days. We believed so greatly in bringing joy and family and faith to the school spirit in all we did. We worked so hard. The school was going through a hard time, losing dozens of families, teacher and principal turnover, a negative undertone to everything. It wore on us and our tireless efforts. By the end of our year, we were majorly done. We needed to step back, real far back, as in throw away the volunteer sheet the next time it came out. No I won't help. Not a smidge. And I didn't for awhile and that was good.

But in the ways of reality, about 8 months later, our school found itself in a lot of continued turmoil. The whole PTO had resigned, the principal was weeks away from being under investigation (though she didn't know that yet) and we were just sitting back watching, wondering what was the future of our school. And Lisa Cooper called. The new, snazzy, marketing and communications lady. Long story short, sort of, she asked Allyson and I to step back into PTO to revive it. We nearly laughed at her, said no, no way, no, no, no. We went home that day and told our husbands- they both said NO, hell no, absolutely no way. We agreed. It's nice to be thought of for this but we did our time, it wore us out and we were recuperating still. Oh and we were heading up the room moms of the school in our rest period, eye roll because we don't really know how to rest. But anyway.The end. No. Thanks though.

So, on Friday, sometime at the beginning of the school year, I'm scrolling Facebook and I look up to help Steven with something, and a video starts playing on my news feed. Now, I don't watch videos on the news feed, never, even if you tag me in it...I'm not watching it. I mean, who has time to watch those anyway? Not me. But Pastor Mike was talking to me, I mean to. me. I scrolled up to see who shared this...no one, it was an ad I guess. So, I kept watching...and listening...and then I started it over and watched it again....I had chills. God was right there on Facebook, using Pastor Mike's words to speak directly to me. I must have watched it 4 times. I even put it on in the car while taking Steven to school. He watched it too. You know what Pastor Mike said....click the link below....just do, only a few minutes...the rest of my post won't make sense if you don't...

WATCH PASTOR MIKE!!!

Not lying, I just stopped and watched it again right now before I kept writing. So, when I returned home from taking Steven to school, I watched it again....and thought Oh My God. I have to do this. I have to do this job. I have to go back to PTO. Not because its about me, its because I am needed, my gifts, whatever, God is telling me that he's got this, but through me. I have to do my part. Only his way, with him in the lead. I texted the video to Allyson, because obvi she has to do it with me. She is out of town at a conference and I tell her to watch it. It's speaking to me. I want her thoughts.

Fast forward>pick Steven up>watch it in the car on the way home> feed Stevie lunch>he falls asleep>I watch it again and God sends me my info, the answer to my question: is this really you God? Am I supposed to do this? The download starts, I've described it before. It's like my mind goes black and words, in white, are typing across the screen line after line. I almost read them like a book only its all in my mind and faster than anything else I could imagine. Only now, I recognize this, I know this is God speaking directly to me and I'm ready.  I grab my phone and am texting Allyson as fast as my fingers will type, crying, listening, reading,  understanding, in awe, .... you have never see a text message this long but when God speaks, by golly, you better get that written down!!!

This is what I wrote to her: 

I can’t wait to hear about your conference! I also can’t wait to talk to you but only after you read and think and pray about all that’s about to spill out of my heart. God has spoken to me all day...like won’t leave me alone. I have to do it Allyson. I have to go back to that job that I’m pushing away from. We started our job and worked as hard as we knew how. But I see it now, we aren’t doing it our way anymore...we have to do it his way and with the priorities and other jobs in our life in place. He has shown us over these last 8 months all that is important to us again or even new things. He’s already put new plans in place, some that we don’t even recognize yet. I’ve placed more value on the little things in life, in everyday greatness that’s right in front of me. I’ve made new plans and goals for my family, as have you. You are teaching and learning and leading people to a better life! You are guiding a middle schooler, and ACTS. I’ve learned to stand up strong for what’s right and question what doesn’t seem right because we have a dream and vision of how life could be. I support sick family members from afar and keep pushing myself to believe that life can be as great and full of love and kindness and grace as I imagine. He put all that back in our hearts over these last 8 months...and not just to put it aside. That’s not it. You see, we didn’t apply again for this. We didn’t use connections or pull rank from anywhere to keep these changes going at our school. He has called for us...he is calling us. Lisa doesn’t know us...it’s not her calling us. It’s him, through her. He told me Allyson, today, I heard it...my family will not take a backseat this time, your husband will not be expected to be there bc you are, Steven will not live up there, I will be at St. Paul’s chapel every time we want to be. We will not fill every gap...the gaps are there and that’s not for us...he will provide all that is needed. You will still lead people in classes all over shreveport. We know we can’t leave those things. I refuse to.

But...we have been called for. I can’t leave the teachers that are quietly fighting to keep it going, the parents who are holding on by a string and need to see that there are people that believe in our school and what it stands for and that we are willing to stand up again when the school keeps getting knocked down. If nothing more than a face to count on that’s familiar, to run a procedural meeting, to smile at carpool and reassure. To say...we can’t this year about some things, and call others to do things because they can, we can guide them...it’s not our job to do them all again. It’s not. I know it with all of myself today. Tears are streaming down my face bc I am sure. I still don’t really want to, but I know it’s what is needed of me. We have the gifts that God put inside of us decades ago. We have the answer or at least part of it to this problem. And so now I’ll reverse the question to you: I feel strongly in my heart that I have to do this but I won’t do it without you. We will do it only with guidance from God and no one else. We won’t let ourselves be talked into or convinced or guilted or persuaded. Because God will provide this path with all we need to raise our family’s up with us. You inspire me all the time Allyson. We can do this. Don’t even respond. Pray about it. If you can’t get your mind around it , I understand completely. I’m so proud to have you as a friend and I mean that. I’m so proud of all we’ve done together. We aren’t through yet, I knew that before we ever started. Oh. My. God. Allyson.

This is flooding my heart as I write i know you remember my feeling that we would work our way through the school and then the church. But have we ever discussed my conversation with God about the church. God is unbelievable!

Allyson, my heart is exploding right now. I prayed so hard many years ago about the guilt I had because we don’t regularly attend mass. I wondered why can I leave St. Paul’s chapel or events so filled with love and joy and happiness that I know overflows to all the families there and into their surrounding lives. My answer was clear one day: because God’s church is not a building, it’s not a formal service. It’s a group of people that praise him, glorify him, and spread his love and word. He reminded me that if I drew that from there, it was him that I saw there. That was my church, the well that kept my heart full. Allyson, we are building his church. Allyson, we are building the people’s spirits, their ability to see God and love and perseverance to find joy, and create joy, and to send people home with joy. When that takes root, our school's name will be attached to that. We will not be credited with that because it is all behind the scenes but I now see it. We are building him a church of people. It is so much bigger than us and all we have to do is our part and he will lead us. 🏼 Allyson, if this speaks to you at all, please do this with me. We are a team and we can do this 🏻 

Now, the emojis are a little off in text translation...but do you see!!! I had to go back. I had to be humble, and strong, and say yes, and dig in deeper to the belief that I wasn't doing this for me...that's what I thought the first time I did PTO. I was doing it help my kids at their school. Wrong. It was never about me or us. Maybe in part, but it was about what gifts I had and what the school needed from me. And God needed me to play that part again. And when God calls, and you answer that call- remember, free will, I didn't have to say yes- but when you follow his lead...things fall into place. And boy have they ever. That is another blog post. So, my send off is this, build his church, wherever you are, and when you are called to do something, and you really don't want to but know you should...know that only good can come of that. Trust, have faith...just try. It's always worth the hard work. Opportunity is always waiting but never where we think it will be. Keep living and serving and modeling God's ways...you can't go wrong with that!