Dear Marietta,

Oh dear, I am now writing in reverse...I write to my future self because I don't know fully what to expect. Four years ago this would have driven me near crazy-not knowing what to expect. After much growth, I look forward with faith that all will be well...no, not well, tremendous. It will only get better and better and I will keep walking in that direction.

I want our family to grow, its true, not like that's a secret to anyone who may read this letter. What does that mean? A new baby boy or girl?  I sure hope so. How will life be with 4? I'm sure not afraid of it...yet (although I am not at all looking forward to that nauseating first few months of pregnancy...who's idea was that part anyway? God and I have a lot of discussing to do some day). I've got the newborn thing down, breastfeeding- check, hours of a baby crying (I will never say the "c" word, I just don't like it)- check, shuffling meals and living within organized chaos-check.

But, I know, there is more growing to do. I remember the calendar that hung on my parent's kitchen wall, color coded by each kid and their activities. That lies ahead of me, and I can't wait. That's what I've looked forward to. The crazy business of it all, memories being made all day, every day!

In the journey I'm making, I need lots of support. I lean heavily on my good marriage, my great friends, and the best family I could ask for. And in the quiet of my heart, I lean heavily on my faith that God is walking with me. He's got my back, and is helping me steer through. I LOVE the Footprints poem. I've loved it since I was a kid and it just seems so pertinent. So, I'll post it here as a refresher:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there was only one.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from anguish,
sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said to the Lord,
“ You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life
there has only been one set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,
“ The years when you have seen only one set of footprints,
my child, is when I carried you.”

-- Mary Stevenson--

I know that I've not had the trials that many others have faced, that may connote a deeper meaning from this poem. But my tests have been mine, and I know they'll be more. Such is life. And so, Marietta of the future, meet the next growth spurts with grace and perseverance. You'll need to earn those badges to keep going. You're never doing it alone. You are doing a great job, one decision at a time, one footprint at a time.

Look what has happened in a brief 8 years! Can you imagine 8 more? Its going to be great and the time will fly. Enjoy it, oh, and as a late thought....remember now, that you look back and think...they were so little, why did I press that so much, or get so frustrated, or expect so much....they were so little and now...they are still little, let them be little, just enjoy them....everyday, at every stage...its going too fast.

Sincerely,

Marietta